My trip

This will be lengthy-More of a story than a blog.

I decided to go at the last minute. Saturday morning we bought the tickets. Lee Joe wanted to come with me and I was such a mess over the anxiety of flying and getting there and seeing my dad again I was just a mess and didn't want to go a few times even after I bought the tickets. My mom didn't want me to go and I hurt her feelings over something I said but I told her she could help me by being here for the girls while I was away. So she was good with that. Amber was thrown into her license while we were gone. She drove the girls home from church, and took them to the Stake choir thing. She drove kids to seminary in the morning and the girls home from school, to Kelsea's game and everyone to their Weds stuff. The girls were awesome and so responsible in our abscence. That is the first time we have left them together for longer than overnight.

Before we left on Sunday, Amber and Kelsea were playing together in Sacrament. Our plane was suppose to leave at 12:45 and Sacrament is at 11. We asked the bishopric if they could move their musical number earlier and they did. They played this beautiful piece. O Come Emmanueal on piano and violin and it was amazing. Kelsea's music fell on the floor and they didn't miss a beat. She picked it up and put it on the bench during a pause for her in the music, Amber slowed it a bit and no one knew the difference. After that we said goodbye to all the girls and they all fell apart except for Amber. She takes a lot to let loose of emotions in public. Kelsea and the other girls couldn't keep it together so after sacrament they went home. We left. At the airport we found out there were delays. When we got to our gate it was a 3 hour delay. We had a connecting flight in Chicago to Providence RI and it was delayed too so we hoped for the best. Everyone kept sounding like we would have to wait until Monday to leave and that was too late. We got into Chicago. What a crazy airport! We found the part of the airport where our flight was suppose to be. We asked about our flight. We were told to go to a certain gate. We got to the gate and our flight had left an hour earlier. The flight they were getting ready to board was to Boston. We asked them if they knew how close it was to Providence. They said maybe 2 hours. We asked if we could get on that flight. So with only 10 minutes till boarding time we changed our rental car location. We got out our US Atlas I brought along. I am so prepared! Anyway, Boston is only 50 miles to Providence. We figured out our driving plan on the flight and got our car once we landed and made it to our motel in Providence at about 2am their time. But we lost our checked bag with the flight change. The other great thing I did was I packed 2 carry on bags with the stuff we needed the next day. I packed like we would lose our bag. I didn't have everything I needed with the new liquid restrictions but I had the clothes I needed to wear to the funeral and Lee Joe did too. I had make-up and toothbrushes but not shower stuff and no flat iron. So that was amazing we made it.


Some information from my past. I have seen my grandparents a few times over the years. They came to see me about 3 times. My dad saw me last when I was 4 and then I went to Connecticut 3-4 years ago and saw him for the first time in 32 years. I met my two half brothers for the first time. They were 18 and 15 then. And my step mother. I met 3 of my Aunts and their families. One of my cousins is my age and I spent a lot of time with him before I left when I was 4. I loved my grandfather. I still remember him playing the banjo and the juice harp and other instruments for us and he played with me a lot. I have always loved the hammer dulcimer because he had one and I played it and he played it. My grandma says she has only seen him cry once in all the years she has known him. And that was the day that I left with my mom and sister. When I went to Connecticut a few years ago they had put him in the home because he was so difficult with his Alzheimers. He could only remember me as a little girl at that time and I was glad he could remember me but was broken hearted at waiting too long to come because he was not himself. My grandparents and my aunts all made sure that Melissa and I were never forgotten after all those years. So I had to go to the funeral.


The next day we got it together and found our way to the viewing. We got there. I found my Aunt Kathy and my brother Duncan was close by. He gave me hug and said hi. I said hi to some more relatives. I saw my dad and Alane. They saw me and came over to me. He was all smiles. He looked surprised I made it. I thought my Aunt Kathy had told him I was coming but she didn't. He was surprised. My Aunt Amy offered to let me stay with her right away if I needed to. My dad, after I talked to him for a few minutes asked where I was staying and immediately offered his place. His own sisters were not sure he would offer. The viewing was interesting because it wasn't somber. There was laughter. Grandma said he was probably dancing around in heaven playing a harp and playing it well. They all said that even though he loved instruments, he struggled to play them. She was sad yet looked for the relief he has now at being himself since he hasn't been for so long. My aunts cried as they said goodbye to Grandpa before we left for the service at the church. I saw my first Catholic funeral. When my Aunt Amy shared her memories of my Grandfather one of her recollections included me and my cousin John sitting on his feet while he clomped around pretending we were a pair of boots he was going to kick into the closet. And then we went to the grave site and there was a little service there. Then there was dinner at a restaurant for the family. There were pictures of grandpa. One set had pictures of him when he was young and one had pictures of him with his children and grandchildren. I was in one of the pictures with him that was on display.

Back at my grandma's house we all crammed in her small place. I was in the kitchen and dining area with my cousins and they talked about memories of grandpa and him pulling out instruments from behind and under the recliner for them to play. I remembered the banjo. I said I remembered the juice harp and when Snoopy would play one I would say "my grandpa can play that!" My cousin Brian said he had one. One of the kids found the dancing wooden man grandpa would make dance for us. I had told Lee Joe about it earlier. So I was able to show him what I was talking about. Even though I was gone for so long I was not a stranger at all. The remarkable thing there is I always have felt comfortable and connected to all of them. I discovered things that I carry that are Kennedy traits. All of the Kennedys get warm easily. I do that. All the aunts babies and my dad's sons were large. Beyond 8 pounds. All my girls were. My dad is a picky eater and my sister and I are too. Melissa more than me. We went to the Olive Garden Tuesday night. My favorite place. And he always orders the same thing. I usually do. But when I told Melissa what my dad ordered she laughed because she always gets what he has-spaghetti and meatballs. She left there when she was a baby and doesn't know him. When my dad watches TV he pulls his shirt up over his nose sometimes. Weird habit but I do that! My dad teases his wife a lot. I tease my girls, nieces and nephews the same way. My dad talked a lot this time. He shared so much and let me pick any of his pictures I wanted. He has done photography for years and has had shows and won things. I told Lee Joe on the flight home that it felt so good to have had that time with my dad. And that I could say Dad to someone who really was my dad and see him happy to be around me and when we left I could still hear his voice in my head. I have wanted that my whole life. I have never cried happy tears but I have and can do that now. I feel my grandpa healing us in his passing doing what he couldn't do in life. The divorce of my parents devasted my dad's entire family. His parents, his sisters, his aunts. They all loved my mom so much. And things have never been right since. There is so much that I can't explain because this blog would go on like a book. But because I have worked so hard at being accepting of any relationship I could have with my dad this -well I am speechless with how overwhelmed I am. Something that so many people take for granted I now have and I hope to get for my sister too. I am grateful for how this trip turned out. I suppose if that was the only Christmas present I got this year it would be the best and the best ever.