Stressing out.

I remember my wedding was stressful. But it was more because there were more details to make decisions about that really didn't matter to me. My mother in law drug me around telling me all the things I needed to decide. I didn't care that much about what cups and napkins and plates we had but I picked some out. I didn't need fancy invitations, but I picked one out. I would have loved to have done the things we can do now with invitations. Lee Joe and I didn't have engagement pictures and having a reception in the backyard of the house I lived in at the time was fine with me. I also didn't need anything fancy to stand behind me when we had pictures taken at the reception. I liked the pictures at the temple just fine. My mom took care of ordering the cake. She was really disappointed with how it turned out but I remember the cake was really good. I never dreamed about when I got married or what I wanted that to be like. I am not sure why. I just always played house and had lots of "kids" with all our various dolls. I always had to have a boy doll at least. Well I didn't get a boy baby in real life. I did get married. I was fine with all of that. My sister was the same when she married her husband on our anniversary. She was way more low key than even I was. They went to the court house and was married by the justice of the peace. My family was there and mom was there and then we went to Olive Garden and it was done.
So here I am now putting on quite the production number. There is a grandma on his side that had put on receptions for years. But I am in charge of the big grand party-the reception. I have big plans that have engineering things to hang from the ceiling and trying to transform a gym to look like something else. Like a tent in a park under the stars. So far all the funny little things I have worried about have been perfect. Chair covers to fit the church chairs. I am renting table cloths from a friend that are exactly what I needed and she has the right amount. I had to dye two dresses for my girls and they turned out to be just right with the white ribbon staying white. It is all coming together. Now I am just starting to worry about the stuff I have no control over. "What if no one shows up?" I know His family will and I know a couple members of our families are coming to the wedding. The shower Kelsea is throwing for Amber is worrying me even more. I am telling myself all is fine. It's hard to calm myself down. ( Just in case you didn't know- I seriously have a bunch of anxiety disorders. I am not even kidding. Social anxiety is the worst one. If I had list of other anxiety disorders I could tell you the rest. )

Here is something good to come of this. So Amber had a boy on a mission she was waiting- for sort of. I have been friends with his mom. There were so many things that happened before he left on his mission that really there was a big unknown as to where those two really were. They were told to break-up and they did. They were told not to communicate at times and they stopped and everything they were told to do, they did. It was not by me. So when Amber met Ryan and things started to progress I wondered where things would go. The boy on the mission's mom started to catch what was happening and then I found out she really did want Amber to be there when her son came home and she had plans. They were wedding plans. I was floored. I see this mom regularly where I work. When the engagement did happen, the mom was devastated. She was aware of what was going on, we had talked about where it was headed but she was angry and hurt and was upset at Amber and at me. Everyone started to hear how upset she was at Amber. I kept hearing stories of how this was carrying on. I was distressed. I was happy for my daughter but this was difficult. My boss said when I told him how upset she was "Consider that a compliment." I was taken aback wondering what he meant and then I thought about it some more and it made sense. I had more decisions to make on how to handle this. I would give her so much power if I let all her carrying on get to me. I thought about conversations to have and things to say because I was worried what people would think. But the feedback I got was positive from everyone. Then I realized that people knew me well enough and knew Amber well enough that there would be no harm done in the end. That was hard to sit back and wait it out. Whenever I saw my angry friend, I did my best to be as kind as I am and not let it consume me-it still did all the time but there was much less effect if I hadn't had the better perspective. That was my decision, to let her part play out and I would have a daughter that is getting married to the person she was meant to marry.
Since school is out we have had several weeks now to have some space from this friend. Last night I knew I would see her again at a big bar b q. I was so worried about going, not sure of where she was with this whole thing. She did get an invitation to the wedding. We have looked past the slights knowing(hoping) that it would pass. I didn't know when it would. So I calmed myself down, went to the thing with Amber and Ryan and the first person that greeted us was her. And she offered me hug! She shook Ryan's hand happy to meet him and she came and talked to me several times with interest of our wedding planning. It is such a relief! The one thing I am so glad about as difficult as this was, was that I didn't compromise myself . I know she didn't handle the engagement news well and as the principal told me "take it as a compliment." I stayed kind and I do not have any regrets on how I handled any of this. I just hope I can be as wise in the future. There are still four more daughters to marry off.
And geez people- I know you are out are there reading my stuff, even if I don't know you, you can comment.

Summer Fun

I have been trying to make sure the girls get to have a summer in between the all the running for wedding stuff. The wedding has taken over my life and there isn't much time left. But a few weeks ago we had coupons to go to Wahooz so the three youngest and I had a great time.

We came home and this is what the kids looked like after miniature golf.


One of the girls put these googly eyes over their eyes when we got home. We had a great laugh over it.

I had my first nightmare over the wedding reception. I dreamt that people started coming and I didn't have everything set up, then I realized I wasn't dressed, Kelsea and Kylee's dresses were still white and hadn't been dyed yet. I didn't know where Amber and Ryan were and there was a strange Christmas themed musical number for the ring ceremony. It was strange and one of those dreams where you wake up with a ton of anxiety and then you are super relieved that it wasn't real. But the anxiety still lingers. Of course I have anxiety of this over some duration at least a few times every day.

I wish I was a happy party planner. I think it will all be fine and will try to remember that whatever doesn't go well, well that is just a given for weddings. I won't sweat it but I would like to make sure I did the best job I could.

Empty Nest

In this picture is a nest in my lilac tree. Just below the dead lilac flower you can the beak and head of the baby bird.

We discovered the nest in the lilac outside my bedroom window weeks ago. We though maybe the babies had already been raised and left. But it has been so cool so far this summer that we were excited to find 3 babies. We watched the ma and pa bird take turns feeding them from our window. It was quite a site. Last Saturday I woke up to the most incredible noise. They would call for there parents and then they would squabble with each other and then a parent would show up with a worm and they would all freak out. There was the strong bird that sat on top of it's siblings, the reason for the squabbling. Then it was on the edge of the nest flapping it's wings getting ready to fly. One time he fell out of the nest but didn't fall far and got himself up in the nest. So in my mind because he was the dominate bully bird I called him a he. The other two were girls. Just because that's what I decided. They were squabbling and Hannah came out and thought something happened and it was funny watching them all get still and quiet until a parent came back. That night we had a rainstorm and we watched them in the rain. The next morning it was way to quiet. They were gone, sort of. I listened for the parents, they didn't come. But I heard one of them call nearby. I knew one was close to flying but I wasn't sure about the other two. We hunted outside after church. I found one on the patio. He wasn't flying from me but running. I tried to get it to back towards the nest. It flew up to the broken gazebo. That was the he bird. I hoped he might fly back to the nest and shocked me when he flew to the neighbors house. We have had to watch the cat by the way. She has brought in more fledglings than we have cared to have to rescue. So we found bird number two in the garden. But she couldn't fly but she could run from us. We found bird number three stuck between two boards in the garden calling for it's parents. We didn't think it was ready to go yet. So once it was pulled out it was put in it's nest and so was number 2. Number 2 called on the from the branches. Bird 3 was in the nest and bird one had sat on the peak of the neighbors house and then was gone. Later they were both out of the nest. The parents never came back. I couldn't find 2 but three was on the ground calling. I thought she was up higher. I might have stepped on her, I am not sure but she already wasn't mobile enough anyway. We put her in a container hoping to take her to the rescue place in the morning. I heard bird two outside Amber's window in the front. This is where I found her.

We let this one be. And soon it was gone.

But within hours of putting this one in the bucket, when checked on, it was on it's side close to death. Lee Joe tried to help but there wasn't anything left to do. It was the weak one. It was the one in the bottom of the nest and I guess when they decide they are to leave they all leave at once ready or not. Nature took it's course-science calls it natural selection. The little thing died in my hand wrapped in washrag. That was the only thing left to do. I learned something when I was looking up what to do. Many times birds do leave the nest before they can fly and spend a few days on the ground. That explains why the cat brings so many in. Also why these three did what they did. I didn't know that before. I love the internet for learning things like that.

I have contemplated this empty nest thing. Last summer was overwhelming. I had 6 girls coming and going trying to moniter and keep on the right track and make summer memories with that we couldn't do the summer before. Making sure they got along. This summer is dramatically different. I thought the changes were coming in August. Amber getting married and Kelsea going to college. But it's all happening now. Lee Joe is in North Dakota until the wedding in August. Amber went on a trip with Ryan's family to Yellowstone and South Dakota for a week. She is always gone when she has been home. She is always busy and gone and somewhat grumpy. She starts a new job that will be full time the rest of the summer doing research at BSU. Not very many under grads get in so it is great she got that job but she doesn't know if she has to sacrifice marching band to do it. I will be sad if that happens.
Kelsea moved in with her grandma so she has someone there with her. Kelsea is feeling the "I am 18 and I want freedom." And she is not going to Uof I by the way but going to CWI (new community college) instead to get some classes out of the way and make her decision of what to do when she is ready. Good news she wants to stay close to home but she doesn't want to be home. For those two, they don't want to do anything family like. But I get up every morning and see her empty bed and her room still has almost everything in it. But I am feeling the loss and the pain of my little birds leaving me and unlike the robins, I am not shoving them out and running away. But at the same time I am ready for them to be independent (they don't want to do a thing around here anymore). I guess it's worse because I am without a spouse as well. The younger three want new rooms and are itching for them to go.
So I am learning what that empty nest thing is all about. I have enjoyed my kids so much that it is painful that it is happening. I feel like we have missed out on some important family time since the past two summers have been financially painful there have been no trips. But at the same time certain things get easier and so with that I am finding it easier to let go. I am doing less laundry. Food is lasting longer as well. We fit in a 5 passenger car now. All this means is that a new chapter in my life is about to begin.

Wedding anyone?

I have thrown nice parties but always at the cost of my mental health. I need to plan the party of all parties-Amber's reception. It is difficult for to come up with ideas and when I come with good ones, Amber shoots them down. I persist a little and then she likes my ideas later-after the grief of having to start over again and then really I don't have to. Coming up with a menu is painful for me. I don't mind the decorating but I need a co-operative couple to work with me there.

I have dresses for the girls. Amber's colors are yellow and gray. I looked at every reasonably priced store around us around Easter to try and find Yellow dresses. Yellow is hard to find and when you find it the material is weird, the cut is wrong or it's too casually summer. Or it has no straps or little straps. But there were all these fantastic white summer dresses. SO many that would be perfect. So I found two perfect white dresses for Kelsea and Kylee. I need to try dying them (scarey) I will try it on other white cotton first. I found yellow dresses for the younger girls made out of the same type cotton fabric. They were perfect.

Me-not so much luck. I don't like short skirts. I look absolutely dreadful in yellow. I found a dress I hate, but will work and fits, today. It looks very 'mother of the bride'. It was less than twenty dollars. It is my "when all else fails" dress. Hopefully I will find something in July when the winter stuff comes out. Something with a long skirt and in gray. I really don't want pictures in that dress but it is the best I can find. Maybe if I can lose twenty pounds in 2 months I will look much better. But I think I have to actually try to achieve that and I haven't started trying hard enough yet. I am stress eater and am doing plenty of that.

Pictures

To summarize with Pictures

This one is getting married. They are so cute. We are so happy. And stressed. Wedding in August.

This one made it to State for tennis. She played mixed doubles. She didn't place. But she was given the title of Miss Tennis for the senior class.

Then she graduated!! She is headed for the University of Idaho. It's up in Northern Idaho in case you didn't know. I still haven't been there. She leaves in August, the week after Amber.

This one is waiting to get her Perfect Attendance award at her assembly. Her youngest sister earned that award too and then they missed the second to last day of school for Grandma Leavitt's funeral. :(

But they got to keep their award.

This one earned a 3 sport award and a hardest working reader award. She has worked hard. I was pretty worn out myself watching her. She made it to city in track and then went right into volleyball to finish the year.

This was the beginning of our last Hurrah. Taking a spontaneous trip to Utah to go to Lagoon. The last time we were all together as a family on a family trip. It later became the last time we would travel in our van.

I will sincerely miss road trips all together in one car. My favorite memories are traveling all together listening to them act goofy and entertain each other in between the squabbles.

But we did make it to Lagoon without the van. Hannah was "So flippin excited!!" She adores her cousin Sierra.

I am trying to get over my aversion to taking pictures of myself. I am sure my kids would like to remember me someday. Now, Lee Joe has officially left for North Dakota to work like a crazy man. He will be back next week but will be busy and back again for the wedding in August. We are about to celebrate 21 years together but it is looking more like we will just have to remember it has been that long because we won't be together to celebrate it.

And since this has become a blog of changes and departures. Here is the goodbye to our van. I can't say it was always loyal- dumping the transmission twice with terrible timing and in the middle of nowhere both times. I can't say it was dependable either since it pick and chose when it would let it's left blinker work, which was mostly not. Only one window rolled down and the headlights only worked on bright, but that's OK because nobody could tell they were on bright because they were so dim. But we had many great memories travelling across the country in it. It was great for bringing home bikes and stuff for the house. It was the car I picked and enjoyed driving after years of cars I disliked very much. I am sad it has a new home now with a man who will bring her back to life but not in my care.

We has just been talking that with the coming changes that we could downsize to a car. It came a little sooner than we expected. We had to frantically find a car in less than a week. We found it. Now I need to take a picture of what I am driving now. It's a 5 passenger car. I did get to pick this car. So it's not too bad. I have a 2002 Mazda 626. Picture coming soon.

So come August, Lee Joe will come home long enough to see his daughter marry-we will gain a son.

She will move out, he will leave again. The next week I take Kelsea to college. Our family of seven will be a family of 4 for awhile. I had a feeling I could loose both of those girls at the same time. The time has come. I am prepared. We have one bathroom we share for showering, believe me we are all ready. The 3 youngest will all have their own room. I will have a 9th, 8th and 4th grader with 2 in college and a son in law. It has all happened way too fast.

What happened?

I do like to blog. You probably thought I gave up. But this time of year is so busy there is no time for anything. This is the first evening I have had without something on it in weeks. I am feeling exhaustion. Life has been nuts with good news and some super stress moments. The stress moments seem to last weeks. You wondered where I went and well, so did I. So I will organize my thoughts and I will probably get back on this blog thing next week because, well, here is this weeks run down-My van lost it's transmission for the second time since we have owned it. We were having our last family Hurrah to Lagoon. We have not been anywhere in literally years to have fun together and almost came to a halt this weekend. We were past Twin Falls going to Utah when there was no warning, no noise it just stopped going 75 miles an hour. At 10:45 our family of seven was on the side of the road. Pondering what to do and feeling this might be the beginning of a long and miserable night,we called the closest family member that lives around Twin Falls. Jared figured it all out "You are doing what? GOing to Lagoon with the family and you will be coming home when? tomorrow night? Here, I will bring you my Durango and you guys can go to Lagoon and do you have towing on your insurance? My friend here can figure this out." By midnight we were loading up in a Durango with all our stuff and on the road to Lagoon. Jared stayed to get our van off the freeway and we would worry about it later. We were exhausted after our long night. But a quote from Hannah on her way to the entrance. "I am SO FLIPPIN EXCITED!!" The nine year old with no fear road roller coaster after roller coaster. She rode the rocket launcher with all her sisters but did not like the Samurai. I did enjoy the fun moments how my five girls entertain each other in the car and keep us laughing on the way there before the breakdown and then it all resumed again once we were on the road. Devanie takes great care of us as well when we stay at her house. We love visits there. Now we are trying to take care of the van problem. We could enter into car ownership. With just the 3 girls at home this next year and the other two doing their own thing. But it means an end to the time I treasure, which we have not had enough of, and that is time in the car with all my children at once.
Sadly Lee Joe's grandma passed away last week. She was one special lady. She will be missed. Her funeral is this week. We are trying to figure out how to get me a car, sell 3 vehicles we own to help that cause, figure out how the two jr high girls will take 3 finals so they can miss a day of school and if it's possible to get the recent grad to her tennis party-she made it to state and missed her last day of school and the senior celebration because of it. As well as we need to get Lee Joe ready to go to North Dakota for five months. He is suppose to leave Saturday. I am done with work at the end of this week. So this week is super stressful. It will work out I am sure. It always does. But I was already exhausted before all this took place. Next week I will probably be sleeping all week to recover. Some people thrive under pressure. I do not function well in high stress mode. I am just telling you what happened since Friday. There is so much more to share and tons of pictures.

Power

This is on my mind today. I am trying to put my thoughts into words to share. I am struggling to say how I feel. I am dealing with a situation where someone I know is mad at me for reasons only they can justify. I didn't do anything. I have been upset and distressed until I realize I give this person too much power in my life. Especially since there isn't anything I did. So when I thought about it and realized I could choose whether to give her the power to upset me. Or I could choose to take that power back to myself and know there was no wrong doing done by me and let them have their unhappiness, it brought me so much peace and I settled down. But I have had to tell myself that a few times to find that peace again because there has been several days of minor drama. People only have the power in our lives that we give them. I can let this person upset me because they are unhappy or I can choose let them be unhappy and I can move on because their unhappiness is not my problem to fix. That led me to also realize that I need to feel my feelings more sometimes rather than trying to feel everyone elses. I know that is what makes me the person that I am with a tender heart and full of empathy. Why I save mice and fledling birds and mother 500+ kids everyday. But sometimes I have to let myself feel what I feel. I don't need to justify my feelings or answer to anyone how I feel. And that self is happy right now while this other person is not. Needless to say, we don't need these kind of people to take our energy from us. They don't need to waste our time consuming our thoughts. Because letting it go brings so much peace. There is a lot of personal power in that. What I feel is so big and I still don't feel the hugeness of what I am trying to say is coming out right here. I guess my blog readers will have to come out and tell me if you get what I am trying to say. I will leave it at that since in my last mouse blog, I was going to wait to blog more and my next blog will shed some light on what is going on.

Mousecapades

I don't what it is with us. I am telling you that we have some ridiculous mouse stories. I have lots of news to share other than this. But this is good. I must share. We have a cat. She is the coolest cat ever-Until she brings creatures home and lets them loose in our home. Our home is home enough to enough creatures. She has brought in so many fledgling birds that after the 3rd that I had to take to the bird rescue place, I thought I should start giving them monetary donations since we keep them busy. It's one thing to take a bird in a box to the bird rescue place way down to the middle of nowhere. That is the easy part. But that bird didn't just jump in the box because we asked it to. Socks likes to find mice. She brings them in as playthings then gets bored and lets them go. They aren't dead yet! It is a family effort with cool whip bowls as we try to capture the scurrying little things that we didn't invite in the house. But there was one that met it's death by the accidental stomping under Amber's shoe. She taught that mouse a lesson about crawling up human legs. Oh wait, it won't remember because it died instantly. Then there was the cute baby mouse that was too cute and little that it was captured and put into a hamster cage as a pet for time until it died from some sort of health issue. So now you know how silly we are with uninvited creatures into our home, I will tell you my current story. Lee Joe is in his Semi these days more than our cars. As a result we have two cars that get him home. Our KIA is spending a lot of lonely days that has become weeks out in Grand View. But where he parks it is in a fenced area in the middle of a field. The car wasn't that lonely when he got home a few weeks ago. He found several mice. As he was chasing the mice out of his car he found a nest, with 4 babies. This is the man that takes some of the mice brought home by our cat and kills them by means I will not share. I will keep this blog G rated. So yes, this manly man found 4 uninvited baby mice with their uninvited mama in his car. Mama was hiding under the car somewhere and since he couldn't get her and reunite her with her babies and put them elsewhere, they came home with him in the car. Then he let mama find her way back to her babies and then he got the hamster cage we had and put them inside. He brought them inside to rest on our fireplace covered by his jacket. I was surprised to hear we had new visitors. Because he covered them with his coat I also kind of forgot they were there. I had checked on them once. But then I was cleaning house over spring break and I took the jacket off and I look at the cage and the plastic lid has a hole in it. 'Was that there before?' I ask myself. I don't know. Did she chew her way out? I hope not. It wasn't even an hour later when Hannah says "Mom, I think there's a mouse under the stove or it's a dust bunny. I can't tell." She's looking trying to figure it out. I just resign myself. Oh yes, mouse has escaped but I know she wants to find her babies and I don't want to hunt under the stove for her. Then I am near the front door and I see something move out from under the stove but it looks like part of a leaf is sitting on the floor in front of the stove. I just keep going along wishing Lee Joe was there to catch his mouse. Grumbling at what I am going to need to do to get mama to her babies. But I am not going to do it now either. Fifteen minutes later Autumn comes up the stairs and says " Mom! There's a mouse?" "Where?" "Under the bookshelf." OK, now it's time to catch this mouse. We hunt for bowls and I call all the girls I have home to come help me. We have a piece of posterboard, A handle to my swiffer and a couple of girls with bowl in their hands to try to catch her. Back and forth and she goes under the shelf, under the fish tank. So I try to pull the bookshelf out. I am hoping she doesn't totally run off. But a picture frame fell off and landed on the floor right where she was. We didn't know if it hit her. But she was beside it. She was probably deaf now because it was crazy loud. She was OK and not a super fast mouse. I think it took ten more minutes and we caught her. She was reunited with her babies and we put a larger variety of food in there. After that scare I think she realized she was safe and there were no more escapes. She is cute. Not a house mouse. I looked her up and she was a deer mouse. And then I read that they can give you a terrible illness. And I couldn't wait for her release. I couldn't change her nest bedding but it got REALLY smelly. So I was ready for their release. Everyone where I work thinks we are crazy. But the deer mice were released back into the wild last weekend. Lee Joe dug a hole and had a piece of wood to cover the hole for protection. He said he tried to slide them carefully out the cage but the mama kept trying to run back in. But they were stocked with seed in their new home and they are not in mine any more. So here is my blog on our silly mice drama. I will let this sit a couple days or at least till tomorrow before I share the really fantastic and drama filled news I am so excited to share. Many of you already know but I have to really "Talk" about here then just blurb on Facebook about it.

HA!!

So you would think that since I have a new laptop that I would really get with it on posting a blog. I guess no such luck. I have yet to take a picture of my new little friend. I love my laptop. It is white with flowers. Super girly, which I have never really been. I can get it out of my system real quick with any one of my 5 girls. But anyways my next post will have pictures of the laptop on it.

I have a couple of quotes of the week for last week. So there are some kindergarteners I have been working on trying to get them to stop tackling and mauling each other on the playground. One little boy I have talked to over and over. The minute he hit the grass he tackled the boy that was closest to him. So I asked him "Why did you do that, we have talked about this over and over." very remorsefully he says "I lost my mind for a minute." That was a good one. Then a few minutes later there are more kindergarteners playing tag. Tag is fine but the rules are they need to play somewhere else other than on the equipment. I know, what a kill joy I have to be. So I ask them "Guys, where are you suppose to play tag?" Someone is "it" so I know it's tag but they tell me "We aren't playing tag. We are playing tomatoes." I see. "If you are playing a game where someone is it, you have to play it over there." Kids are funny. It's not tag if you just call it some other name. But someone is always "it" and the "it" is trying to make someone else "it". A bunch of the grades try this one. I have heard lots of new kinds of names for tag. But tomatoes, OK..... :) It really makes me laugh.

Kid updates--Kylee is playing basketball right now. She is on varsity but man there are some excellent players on her team. We were super happy for her the other day she made a 3 point shot and they were her first points of the season. Her team is amazing. They have beat every team they have played by at least 15 points or more. They just dominate. This is the last week and next week is tournament. Kylee had her honor band concert this weekend. Everybody went but me. I have this yucky bronchitis/pneumonia thing going on. It hit me hard and fast this time. Or maybe I just knew what I needed to do since I just had this crud in August, the first week of school. Either way, blah. Big news for Kylee-she can take drivers ed the beginning of April. "WHAT!!" Oh yeah. But when I look at the next school year I realize I lose my helpers. Both Amber and Kelsea may be gone.
Kelsea went to Portland with Orchestra this last weekend. She is about to get super busy. She just started tennis. There are two out of town trips with Tennis and then she is going to U of I for one of their Vandal weekend thingys. Kelsea got in to U of I. I am not sure if I mentioned that. She will be headed north when she goes to school. I am not sure how I feel about her being to far. Amber was a super easy adjustment going to BSU. Kelsea will be so far. Well, she wants to go and we will see if she likes it. She could always change her mind if she wants. Nothing is set in stone. Good life experience for her. She graduates in May-of my goodness. We need to get her senior pictures done. She will be 18 in just a few days. So I realize two of my birdies could fly away from the nest this year at about the same time.
Amber is looking at internships for the summer. Did I mentioned she just turned 20? I feel old. But she is still home right now. It is just weird. Autumn keeps telling her to move out. She wants her own room really bad. Amber is real involved in Band. She is in Kappa Kappa Psi fraternity. It's a band thing. She has been traveling a lot for that. She tried to get VP I think in the fraternity but she didn't get it so now she wants to try for treasurer and she wants to try our for drum major. She is getting ambitious. She has new boyfriend. He is a very nice young man with a lot in common with Amber. He is a return missionary and in his junior year at BSU. There is so much more cool stuff about him. We will see where this goes.
Autumn has changed a lot. My favorite saying about her lately is "She is so jr high." She is outgoing more than she has ever been, silly and sometimes just persistently annoying. But it is the age. She will be 13 the week after Kelsea's birthday. She is most excited to get onto Facebook and she WANTS HER OWN ROOM! She can't wait for her sisters to move out.
Hannah is her funny self. She has come up with comics with her friends and little parodies to songs. I should just start recording her. It's hilarious. She has several songs she has made up about bacon.
Lee Joe has been doing some over the road truck driving lately. That's better than being laid-off like he was for 2 and half weeks in Feb. But the good news about that is-unemployment. We can get that now. Couldn't get that when work dried up with his business. So things weren't too bad.
About my health, I am going to save that for another blog day. I have made some discoveries and have had some frustrations. Not many answers and have helped myself more than any doctor has helped me yet. I will leave it there for today.
As far as things in my house, keeping the attitude positive. I am ready for good things to come our way. They already are.

Just cause I am blogger happy...

My last blogs have had a lot to do with some of these special people. It's time I just shared some pictures I took before Christmas. I hope I get many more opportunities to take pictures of all 5 together for years to come.

Finally-Some cute quotes

I love funny quotes from kids. I haven't had very many here lately. But I have had 2 in two days. I have posted them on Facebook so they are repeats.

Amber had her birthday. The day after I tell a little first grade boy that knows her well that "Amber turned 20 yesterday. Isn't she so old?" He thinks and then in amazement he says "She's older that Harry Potter!!" He turns a little away from me and I hear "One two three." Really quiet and then he says "She's 3 years older than Harry Potter because he is 17." Harry Potter just came out of nowhere. I laughed about that one for awhile.

This morning Hannah was getting out of the car at the school and she says. "I know what my e-mail address is going to be when I get one." I say "What is that?" "It's going to be mold- capital E E cheese. Spelled chez." There was a pause. "@ Yahoo.com" I am glad she has that all figured out. But I am not sure that I would want to be known as MoldEEchez. What a goofy kid she is.

Brain issues and birthdays

I really wanted my last post to be special and then I reread it at a decent time of day and went "Oh my gosh, I sound like an idiot." So I cleaned up that last post and few other things on my blog. My brain has issues sometimes.
Today is my oldest daughters birthday. It could be that my reall issue with my editing skills is that I am getting old. Because I AM almost 40 and My daughter did just turn 20!!! TWENTY!! I don't have 4 teenagers anymore. I am the mom of an adult, 3 teenagers and a way too smart 9 year old.

Amber is still my steadfast daughter. 2nd year at BSU. She still loves music, and is fun a quirky. I think she might be driving home with the first car she just bought herself. I think it's a Mitsubishi Eclipse. I don't know much in my old age do I? She's a great kid and we are lucky we have her. We are hoping that with her major in Materials Science Engineering and her minor in Biomedical engineering that if we don't succeed greatly in life that she will take great care of us.
I wanted to do a blog about my youngest when she turned 9 but it seems so after the fact to sit and find some reason to talk up my kid, but hey, it's my blog and a another one of those kids of mine that I am darn proud of. Yes, she is amazingly quirky. I asked her what kind of cake she wanted. She wanted flowers and butterflies on it. But if you asked her what she got, she got Lego Star Wars for the Wii and for the DSi and has played it more than any other game she has. She got a couple of Star Wars figures, a BSU football and a soccer ball-but it was from Justice so that was super cute and girly. She loves to be on the computer. She did beg me to start a blog. When she writes it has so much of her personality in it, it just makes you laugh. She is really sensitive and quite easygoing. But she is notorious for leaving a trail where ever she goes. She has a very short attention span with some things and is very easily distraction. Her most amazing accomplishment the other day was that she beat her dad at Chess. He was pretty surprised by it. She has a really high IQ. She has been learning the piano easily. She would love to play drums. She has been drawn to drums since she was 2. She has some skills at memorizing that blows me away. She is a fun kid and she is growing up way too fast.

For me, I have loved having my kids around. I love them when they are 8 and younger. I love all the little kid things you can do with them. And we have for the first time grown out of those things. And even more so because of Hannah's accelerated pace. But I enjoy those little moments where she picks up something with Strawberry Shortcake on it which has been a favorite of hers for a long time. I love taking her to build a bear. But with the last visit, it is a little less magical because she is self -conscious about looking silly. A big sign that she is feeling much more grown-up and a lot less carefree.
I suppose that means that with my oldest turning 20 that it is time to look forward to grandbabies. But I am in no hurry.

Memories of Grandma and the mall

YouTube - Buckingham Square Mall Tribute Trailer

You might wonder why I have posted a YouTube link on my blog. I wish I could figure out how to put this on so you don't have to click this link and you could just watch this on my blog. But I was pretty upset here recently to find out in 2007 this mall was torn down. This mall is the reason I love malls. It sounds silly but I will tell you why. Looking at the video, the mall had not changed much from when it opened in 1971 that could be good reason why it didn't survive. Here is my nostalgia from my childhood.

I think it was in about 1976 that my mom, baby sister and I moved to my grandma's house in Aurora Colorado. My mom and had dad had divorced and this was mom's fresh start. The start was bumpy to say the least with two little girls and very little skills to go on. So it was a difficult time for mom. As she was getting on her feet and for the 6 years of the time we spent in Denver we were Buckingham Square almost as often as we were at my grandma's house. My Grandma worked in the Pant and Top shop. In the YouTube video it was in the last shot before the end. It was the store on the left next to the marble wall where Joslins was. We would go to see Grandma at work, or we would go with Grandma to work sometimes. I remember sitting in the back of the store and we would watch a little black and white television. We seem to spend endless amounts of time there, I was allowed when I was somewhat older to walk the mall on my own. I was about 5 when we moved there, so could you imagine these days letting your kids roam the mall at about 7? I was well behaved and very responsible. Outside Grandma's store there was a puppet show several times a year. I was at the mall so long some times that I got to watch several of his shows in one day. I was never allowed to go far when I was little.
My grandma and grandpa loved to take us out to eat and it was always at this mall. Number one on the list of places to go was Furrs cafeteria. We ate there so many times and grandma thought is was hilarious that Melissa and I would always get Macaroni and Cheese. Melissa would get jello for dessert and I would go between the pumpkin pie or the custard pie. But we never did vary from those choices much. Sometimes we would eat at the restaurant by Wal-greens and not very often we would go to the top floor of Joslins to the little restaurant they had there.
When I was left on my own with my sister I would walk through Wal-greens and look at the toys. Then I think there was a lingerie shop we would go into but we would ignore the lingerie and look at the dolls they had. I thought they were beautiful dolls with big hoop skirts and fancy hair. Many of them had music boxes on the bottom and the dolls would spin. I wanted one of these beautiful dolls so badly. I loved to go Baskin Robbins to get my very favorite Grape sherbet ice cream. I have yet to find a Baskin Robbins today that carries that ice cream. There was a burger place close to Grandma's store that I liked to go to. I remember eating in there. I was scared very easily when I was little and there was this big happy face that had this tongue that came out and licked it's lips. I remember it would happen every so often and it made a noise when it was about to start. I would run out of the restaurant when it would start and then I knew I had a few minutes before it started again. Eventually I got over my complete fear and just had a little anxiety but a total fascination with the happy face with the mechanical tongue. That place was there a long time but I think it became a pizza place later. Or maybe it had been the other way around. Either way that creepy smiley face stayed. I saw the Fox and the Hound for the first time at the movie theatre there and I think that was the first movie I went to by myself.
My mom had a couple of jobs at that mall too. She worked at Montgomery Ward for a time and then she worked in the office another time on weekends. So we did spend a lot of time there still.

The mall smelled like chlorine because of all the fountains and when I came back and visited years later some of them were filled in with plants. But what was always there was the bridge. When we were little we would beg to go down to the bridge and run right back and we would beg for coins to throw in the fountain around the bridge. Many, many wishes were made in the fountains in that mall. But the bridge was the best. We were the most entertained by that bridge.

I loved visiting all the malls in Denver during holidays. They had the cutest animatronic displays. I just loved all the moving creatures and I loved watching them more than I ever wanted to visit with Santa. Buckingham Square had a train always at Christmas and we had to ride that every year. I hated balloons after my mom accidentally popped one of mine in the mall. I love Swedish fish because I use to get them from the little candy store thing they had in the middle of Sears. So everytime we went in the Sears entrance to the mall I had to have some. I got my most favorite pair of shoes ever at the Hush Puppy shoe store and that was the best shoe store ever because you could climb up to this special carpeted area to look at shoes and watch their fish. I liked to play in that store more than I probably should have. I don't remember anyone ever saying an unkind thing to me.
The time we spent in Denver were challenging for my mom. We spent a lot of time with my grandparents and they did their best to make sure we were well taken care of. Because of the hours spent at Buckingham Square mall and another favorite mall of mine Cinderella City( that mall is also gone), I do enjoy the mall very much. It always makes me think of my grandma.
Right now I live 5 minutes away from the mall here. Everytime a store shuts down I feel sad and I mourn that store like the death of a friend. I don't have to spend money there but there is something retail does to me that brings me contentment in some silly way. I am sad that Mervyns is gone the most. I miss the Disney Store and the Marketplace gifts and several other stores I have liked very much. My grandma passed away a few years ago and to know that Buckingham square was gone and that I could never go back and revisit many hours of where much of my childhood was spent, made me very sad. It's not like I had plans to go back but I have lived in so many different places it was one constant, like grandma's house. When we vistied Denver a visit to grandma's wasn't complete unless we went there, to Buckingham Square.

Girls and Boys

This is a funny story. I told a smidgen of it in my last post. My second daughter is somewhat impulsive. Over Christmas break Amber and Kelsea were driving on the freeway to do something I asked them to do. They happen to pass a van that was full of teenage boys. But Kelsea tells Amber to slow down so they can drive beside the van. Amber thinks it's funny. She does. Kelsea gives out her number to the car load of boys. Yes-I am shaking my head at my daughter-REALLY? So she starts texting the boys. They are from Nyssa Oregon and they are in town to watch the Humanitarian bowl. She keeps talking to the one that wants to get to know her. They both Have Facebook. She sees that he is REALLy into hunting. He even said he felt sorry for her because she lived in the city and she asked why and he said because you can't hunt or drive dirt bikes here. So she really doesn't mind not doing those things. So they get to know each other. He really likes her. She starts to get a little overwhelmed with how much he likes her. But he is LDS. He is 16. He is planning on going on mission and he is already talking a little about marriage. Yes dear, what do you expect when you give your number out to strangers on the freeway? So he really wants to meet her in person. He wants her to come out for his birthday. No. He tries to get his dad to bring him into town on a day they are off from school. Dad doesn't wake him up and leaves him behind. Then he wants Kelsea to go to his school dance. We aren't sure. I don't know. Then they talk some more. He doesn't really like to dance and neither does she. So they plan a date to the movie instead. In Nyssa. So we do let her go and they have a nice time. It was his first date but it was fun. Kelsea was nervous driving on the country roads out there. A conversation they had she said she was scared with how dark the roads were and if she was going to hit something. He tells her "you just hit it." Kelsea says "I can't hit it." "You have to just hit it." "But I can't" Yes we have raised some city girls. She says he is cute and tall. He is shy and funny. So she seems to think he is very nice. So I guess all strangers on the freeway aren't scary stalkers. Or maybe we just don't know it yet. :)

Life and such and such

I tried when it come to blog posts. There has been so much and things I don't want to blog about yet. Other things I should blog about.
I made a comment the other day about feeling like a mother from a Jane Austen book. I hear about Amber's dating prospects. "Yes, that boy is suitable, But be careful with that one. DOn't lead him on if you really aren't interested. The other one you are waiting for, he shouldn't be talking about when he comes home already, he has only been gone 6 months. Lots of things can change." The world of Amber's future prospects interest me. And then there was the moment she had with Kellen Moore-the quarterback, Heisman candidate from the BSU football team. SHe spent a few minutes with him alone in an elevator. Amber!! You didn't say ANYTHING? Don't you realize the potential of even a date with that boy? She says he was not that good looking in person. I tell her "If it was your sister she would have had his number!" But that's all fun and silliness.
Amber did take a picture of him with her second encounter. Look! She was THAT close.

Then with Kelsea, Almost 18. One boy she had some conflicts with months ago. "Don't do anything with him." The missionary in Arizona-"When did you last write that boy?" And the boy she gave her number to on the freeway, he is totally in love with her even though she has never seen him in person, younger than her and talking about his mission. She's a little overwhelmed with the attention and he is talking about marriage. He lives in Nyssa Oregon. "That is why we don't give our phone numbers to strangers on the freeway." And then she was at dinner at PF Changs with her grandma and low and behold, who is sitting at the table next to hers and she has no clue. She texts me 'Kellen Moore is sitting right next to me' 'Did you say hi?' "No he's with a date.' 'How about making eye contact' 'He's too into his date and he just left.' Another opportunity slipped away. Geez these girls.
Then one that is a little too young has a boyfriend. EGADS!!! How come we can't lock them up until we are ready to let them go?

We have the Blue and Orange going on but Kelsea doesn't want to go that path. She has to make her own way. She has been accepted to University of Idaho. In Boise you get scowled at for being a Vandal. But the black and orange school has it's loyal followers. Someone told me I need to get a flag that says "This house is divided." Hannah made what I thought were rivalry brownies with blue and orange on one side and black and yellow sprinkles on the other. She said they were get along brownies. She is so funny. Just for the record, the blue and orange ones disappeared first.

The past few days I have had electrical shocks put through both my arms, blood drawn, x-rayed my hands and feet and will be getting an MRI on Thursday. I get to wear braces on both my hands at night. I feel like I ready to start boxing when I go to bed. I feel old and frustrated. I am not even 40. But I will hopefully have answers soon. But the direction they are headed now makes me worry a little. Could be a different diagnoses. We will see.
I am reading books by Wayne Dyer and the Secret's the Power both at the same time. The both said the same thing when I was reading last night. I have to make a serious attitude adjustment in my perspective of everything. It's doesn't come easy for me because of my crazy ability to worry about all things out of my control. Blech. I am working on it.

I know I have said this before but the soundtrack from "How to Train Your Dragon" Is the best ever!! I know that was random but that is what is blasting from Amber's room at the moment.

Train Ride

Before Christmas Lee Joe and I got invited to ride a train for his friends Company Christmas party. Lee Joe only worked for him a few times this year but they are good friends. The only hang up we had about going was that Lee Joe was working in Utah. Because his company party was on Saturday, his company rented a car so they could come back for the weekend. Well, Lee Joe had to really push to get everything together so they could leave in time for us to get to Horseshoe Bend where the train is. So they left around one in the afternoon because one of the guys they work with that got the car dinked around for over an hour after he got the car before he showed to get the guys on the way home. Well, my husband upon occasion has a lead foot. So I was getting updates over the course of the afternoon on how close they were to getting home and wasn't looking good from every report. But he kept saying we will still try to get there. So he got his own car in Grand View and was 45 minutes away somewhere around six. In the meantime I had Christmas shopping to do and the dogs needed food so I was at Target waiting to meet him there so we go the rest of the way from Boise to Horseshoe Bend which typically is another 30 or 40 something minutes from there. We kept thinking, I don't think we are going to make it, but we might. And then I get a call that he got stopped coming into Boise. I was keeping pretty relaxed about the whole thing with no expectations until that moment thinking "Crap, what's that going to cost?" I am kind of wound up and know I need to check out. I am pretty sure we need to make some other plans for dinner and maybe we should just write off the train. Minutes later he's laughing when he calls me back saying the cop let him off. "Man you are the luckiest man, how did you manage that?"
He says, "He asked me why I was speeding and I told him that I was trying to catch a train. He said I should have left earlier and I told him that I left Utah at 1 this afternoon. It only took him 3 minutes to check my stuff and he let me off on a warning!" You have to know my husband to know that this is the best luck in THE WORLD because cops love to stop him and give him tickets and it has been really hard work on his part to avoid that affliction in his life. So he was off again but we are really writing off this train trip. He picks me up and he is driving not too much over the speed limit but we are driving through mountains now. I am not relaxed about this thing anymore and ready to give up on the whole idea of making it. It just doesn't look good.
The secretary from his friends company calls Lee Joe and he tells her where we are. So they start talking to the staff on the train. "It leaves a seven, it doesn't wait for anyone." We are so not going to make it. It is 7, she calls us back. We know we are almost there. About 5 after 7 and we can see the lights of the town. She calls us again. "They are waiting not much longer." We are on the main street and try to turn too soon and we figure out where to go while he's on the phone. It is like 10 after 7. He pulls up next to a straw bale where they have marked for parking, not really a parking spot where we should park. We jump out to run to the train and go the wrong way. We can see the party we are about to join in the windows and they are pointing for us to go the other way and we jump up the steps and board the train onto a dining car. It's full of people staring at us as we make our way back to our dining car. Mortified! That is what I am. Way strung out now from the turns on the road to get there with my husbands driving and maybe not making it and now all the people watching our arrival. The train starts going before we sit down. We hear that there were 350 people on the train that we just held up.
It was a nice experience. But it was dark so we couldn't see much outside. They had taken our salad and water when they didn't know that it was for us we were still coming. The dinner was Ok. Some of it was a little cold. Our fault I guess for holding up dinner too. Haha... They had Santa and Mrs. Claus visited our car and a lady with a guitar came and sang Christmas songs with a bunch of construction guys and their wives and girlfriends. So you can imagine how uncooperative some of them were. But it was a fun night. Lee Joe in the white elephant gift exchange won a free eyebrow and upper lip wax. But in the end we used it to get the 2 youngest girls haircut. I have pictures I will add when I get on the other computer to share. I just thought it was an experience to share. Really this is a typical day being married to my husband. Just so you know.

It's coming....But for now

So I do have some great things to talk about. Some fun and crazy things I can elaborate on. So I will be hopefully getting to those stories soon and will be posting pictures again.

The Lupus junk has me all over the place. I think I am fine maybe in the morning and most of the day and think I am getting better only to get knocked for a loop later. But I finally have appointments with both a neurologist (that I have been seeing for my migraines) and the rheumatologist here soon. Needless to say I am learning some important things about my body. When I am tired the pain and the fatigue get crazy bad. When I take extra time to recover from feeling tired I have several better days before it gets me again. I am taking a ton of supplements that I have researched. Not a ton but quite a bit and when I take them I feel somewhat better. I know how to do transcedental meditation. I don't practice it the way I was taught how to use it but my body loves it when I come home from work and need a boost to get throught the rest of the night. Sometimes it doesn't help enough but I know I need that 20 minutes of rest and at the end of the 20 minutes my body says it's done before I look at the clock again. So extreme self care is the key. But not easy to do with my crazy house. I was interested to see what happened over Christmas vacation. The first week I was struggling. But it got better the closer to Christmas I got. Then the next week was so much better. By the end of the week I started really cleaning and purging my house. It felt so good and I had so much stamina that has been lacking for some time now. I only missed church because Hannah was dealing with food poisoning. That is where I fooled myself early this week thinking I was doing better. I had some really bad evenings and then when it was rough early in the day I picked up and had a great night. Here I am this Saturday. I only managed to have a good half a day. That was only in the morning. ugh.
I don't look forward to what drugs the rheumatologist might suggest. From what I have read it might be a rough road to getting better.
In the meantime I have some less whiney blogs in store. I need a Christmas update and I need to recap the adventures of catching a train.

I apologize

I like blogging. I like to see other people's blogs. But I haven't been good at keeping up with mine lately. I will blog more. But I am way past my bedtime. But I really have so much to say, I am also trying not to complain so much. Result of that-not a lot of blogging. Or it could just be that I am a mother of five with a hubby who is out of town way more than we thought he would be with this job-Jobs are wonderful things!-while I work full-time and cope with an illness that is made worse by my job. I forgive myself. But I do like to blog-I like it more when I have found my sense of humor though. And the kids at school aren't giving me much to write about this year. Geez..Yeah, I am getting chatty like I get when I am tired.

Wasn't it just December?

I mean seriously, I say this every year and every year I am amazed just the same. It was JUST December like last week and now it's the middle of December AGAIN. I am never ready for Christmas anymore. Because it gets here too fast. I would like to bake, but I haven't had a chance to think about it. I have presents to put under the tree but they aren't wrapped yet. I guess I could do that now. But I am blogging instead.
In December comes the illness, Kelsea's hacking cough coming and going and then coming again. Poor kid, every year she's coughing during her orchestra concerts. I guess it's a good thing she doesn't sing or play a wind instrument. Tonight I am hoping Hannah doesn't miss her concert tomorrow. I didn't see the dress rehearsal today and she is feeling sick tonight that might wind up landing her at home tomorrow. A few years ago she had chicken pox during the time she was to dance in a little recital. But I recall last Christmas I had a nasty cold. I had a horrible cough and completely lost my voice. This year so far I am just dealing with waves of pain and fatigue that comes and goes. I am learning to just let things happen.
Every year now, the tree becomes a thing. I am ready for an artificial tree because of the headache. Lee Joe has the right attitude that it does make for some memories. This years was almost out of "Christmas vacation." We about had a Griswold tree. Lee Joe has a friend that got a bunch of trees to sell here. But he was selling them in Emmett. Lee Joe is out of town all the time right now. I didn't want to, or I didn't even have the time to drive to Emmett to get a tree. So he asked the friend to bring us a tree. He did. I was happy. But it had to sit for a few days before we put it up. Hannah said it was too small. It was laying on it's side in front and I said we had to wait until we saw it standing up to decide. Lee Joe put the tree up while we were gone and he said it was too small. We came home and looked at it and thought-yep, kind of small for all the ornaments we have to put on the tree. So he talked to his friend, he decided to help him deliver trees as well. So when he met up with his friend, he put the biggest tree he could find in the truck. He brought it home. It was too tall and beastly heavy. I said it was too big. All the girls said it was too big. He said he would make it work. He trimmed up the bottom, and it just fit in the house once in it's stand but it looked like someone hacked off the top of the tree or that it was in the ceiling. Our angel wouldn't fit on the top of the tree at all. So Lee Joe went out and found a star. I actually like it a lot. He trimmed up the top and the long branches that looked like the tree had been topped and it looks quite nice. But man, the arguing about tree size and then where to put the beastly thing. My goodness. It was so late getting it up. I guess it wasn't that late. It was last weekend, but it didn't feel like Christmas yet without the tree. I still don't know where the roof of my stable is for my nativity. That is this Christmas memory I guess. I will post pictures of the tree here next time. These are the memories from 2010 so far.

Snow, Snow and more snow.

I loved snow as a kid. There is nothing better than a that perfect temperature where you can build things and play in all day, as long as it is fun to build things.
But as an adult I have a different perspective. I like it when I am in the house, with my favorite things in the kitchen. And having the perfect snow day so I am not required to drive in it at all. Wednesday was that day. We got a snow day. I got to stay home from home work because it was a snow day and hang out inside while the kids played and played in the snow in the yard all day long. Then we walked to Jack in the Box because of my lack of soda and it was a fun sort of walk we don't get very often because we never get anywhere like the 8-10 inches we got overnight. Boise does not know how to plow snow. They know how to throw de-icer out on busy streets and that's it. But the kids built a snow cave and a little sled hill in the front yard. Our gazebo collapsed from the weight of the snow. I heard of about 2 or 3 more friends had the same thing happen. I remember one winter in Kansas growing up where we had several snow days from a blizzard we had. There were 10 foot drifts in places. One was in our backyard and we did nothing for days but dig snow caves. That was the most memorable winter ever. I loved it when you are a kid and you get a little cold but it's too much fun. Then the winters in Alaska where we would ice skate or sled for hours after school.
So going back to work/school on Thursday was not fun. When the temperature got warm enough to rain on all that beautiful snow. The kids were able to make snow men all day as it sprinkled on us all. It was like walking on a snow cone how the snow was melting. And then, I am all for not throwing snowballs at school but you can't keep a kid from picking snow up from the ground. I mean really. They were able to make giant snowballs and snowmen but they had to leave the snow on the ground and then not climb on any snow thing they had made. Fine, just keep the kids inside- what's the point.
Then having 8 inches of snow try to melt in the course of a day. Oh man, what a mess. Try to walk on it for several hours telling kids to leave the snow alone. Then try to navigate kids across a busy street with enormous puddles and piles of slush. I think a rain downpour is easier to deal with.
I liked Wednesday..... Very Very much. I do appreciate that we really don't get weather like this here all winter long. Just enough for you to say "Ok I am done." and then it is done. I wish I still had that attitude of the happy fun that snow use to bring.