I'm sorry, I am sad. This is super sad.

I posted last summer that I thought our dog might not be with us much longer. He did make it another year. Our dog Buddy became part of our family 12 years ago. We rescued him from the pound. He's 13 or 14 years old and a rather large dog. The past six months he has been in decline. July 4th he must have had a stroke or something. He never pees in the house but he did that day and couldn't get up for 24 hours. I wasn't sure what to do but when he has been bad it will usually pass. It took until later the next day though before he got up. Talking with Lee Joe, he wanted to wait until he was home before we did anything unless he went on his own naturally. I wasn't sure he could make it that long. But Buddy rebounded enough and we dealt with his issues. Then almost as soon as Lee Joe came home, the dog was unable to get up without a lot of help. He wouldn't even eat or drink, until we gave it to him.
We have had a short time with Lee Joe this week. Kylee and Autumn were at camp until Amber's wedding (a happier post to come) so we didn't want to do it until the girls were all home and we didn't want to do it before the wedding. So it was today. Lee Joe goes to North Dakota tomorrow. It was hanging over us while we prepared for the wedding. After much debate on how to deal with this we figured out what we do, we told the girls it was time. It was hard for us all. The two youngest have never known what it was like to not have Buddy around. Hannah wants him to live forever and everything to live forever. She has also had the hardest time with Lee Joe's absence. She has cried off and on all week as we have tried to prepare her for what needed to be done. Lee Joe struggled with admitting it was time. But I couldn't take care of it on my own. He finally admitted Buddy's quality of life was gone. I finally figured out what the dogs biggest problem is. I suspected it was the case, but he was suffering from dog dementia.

Be warned, the rest of this is the painful story of our goodbye.

We have no van so getting him to the vet was a dilemma but Amber's Eclipse has a hatchback. So we put his bed there and Lee Joe and I lifted the seventy pound dog into the back and he settled comfortably. The youngest three sat around him and Kelsea rode with her dad and the dog in the front and I followed in the car with our other dog Spot. I felt she should be there. They have always been together she needed to be there too. Amber left on her honeymoon but she knew what we had to do. We had talked to vet ahead of time. Lee Joe didn't like him being in a sterile room scared so I had talked to the vet about how to handle it. Buddy had walked around outside some. Lee Joe put his bed in the grass and Buddy laid down there. We are all crying. The three youngest made bouquets of flowers from Amber's wedding for him. So he was outside on his bed with flowers all around him and we were all in tears. Quite a sight for everyone that saw us there. They got him ready outside. We had then we had to wait for the vet to take care of poor cat that came that was badly injured. So we had more time to pet him and cry some more. Finally he was able to come out. He explained what we were about to see happen and needless to say, when it did happen it was hard. They let us have our time with him and then once they got ready to bring him inside we even had the one of the vet techs in tears. I am not sure if that family lost their cat or if they had watched us outside but they were crying too when they came out the doors. I really wish he could have gone on his own, that we didn't have to make that decision for him. Man, it hurts.

I will share the sad about the wedding so I don't have to post it with all the happy and good parts of it. I am sad when I realize that when I talk about MY family and MY genepool that could share in the event is my husband and my children, then my mom came to the reception and my niece and that was all the family I had. I am sad that my daughter is going to depend on someone else now. I have always realized how much my children mean to me and now I will have to share her with her husband and his family now. She has removed herself from me quite a but through the planning process of her wedding. I already miss her. I am sad that the photographer didn't get pictures of even Lee Joe's family that came to Amber's wedding. She was too wrapped up in getting pictures of Ryan's family. I am sad that my husband is leaving tomorrow morning and I haven't had any time with him to just be with him without all the chaos. I miss Kelsea too since she is living with my mom and am sad that the photographer took away her moment to give her sister her bouquet at the temple and broke her heart. I probably feel all the event emotional letdown combined with several significant losses in my life all at once and it feels unbearable right this minute. Not to mention the monster migraine that I can't find relief from and my inability to sleep for the past few days. So I will end this tale of misery. The next post will be happy. I promise.