I quit

First of all, I quit trying to post a picture of Buddy for one. It wouldn't post so sorry for the boring word blogs with no pictures and it would have been even sadder to see. I picked up his ashes today. They are in the family where he was trained to stay. I do OK and then I feel sad again and the room is not the same. (update-posting the picture finally worked, editing this post here would make this post not work)
I am grieving still, for everything it seems. I know I am not alone but I feel very alone right now. Life is really beating me up all at once. It' so funny, I am bewildered by my sad emotions and then I review it all and the list gets longer and longer and I reminding myself that there are a lot of good reasons to be sad right now so I try to let myself feel sad instead of trying to put it away.

I quit my job. I needed too. It was for so many reasons. I love kids, I love quotes from kids, I love teasing them too. I work with some really fantastic people. But it was time. I need to take care of me. Because nobody else will do it for me. I still don't feel well and it all comes back to stress. According to doctors, I am allergic to everything that's green and have something going on in the vertebrae in my neck and ridiculous migraines but other than that nothing else they can find. So it's stress and most illnesses are triggered by that anyway. I am sad about leaving and so relieved at the same time. I don't want to play frogger with cars anymore and stand out in the rain and snow all winter long. But I did tell them I would sub. So I won't be gone forever.

Wedding post to come. I just need to be able to post pictures. Amber was beautiful.