Stressing out.

I remember my wedding was stressful. But it was more because there were more details to make decisions about that really didn't matter to me. My mother in law drug me around telling me all the things I needed to decide. I didn't care that much about what cups and napkins and plates we had but I picked some out. I didn't need fancy invitations, but I picked one out. I would have loved to have done the things we can do now with invitations. Lee Joe and I didn't have engagement pictures and having a reception in the backyard of the house I lived in at the time was fine with me. I also didn't need anything fancy to stand behind me when we had pictures taken at the reception. I liked the pictures at the temple just fine. My mom took care of ordering the cake. She was really disappointed with how it turned out but I remember the cake was really good. I never dreamed about when I got married or what I wanted that to be like. I am not sure why. I just always played house and had lots of "kids" with all our various dolls. I always had to have a boy doll at least. Well I didn't get a boy baby in real life. I did get married. I was fine with all of that. My sister was the same when she married her husband on our anniversary. She was way more low key than even I was. They went to the court house and was married by the justice of the peace. My family was there and mom was there and then we went to Olive Garden and it was done.
So here I am now putting on quite the production number. There is a grandma on his side that had put on receptions for years. But I am in charge of the big grand party-the reception. I have big plans that have engineering things to hang from the ceiling and trying to transform a gym to look like something else. Like a tent in a park under the stars. So far all the funny little things I have worried about have been perfect. Chair covers to fit the church chairs. I am renting table cloths from a friend that are exactly what I needed and she has the right amount. I had to dye two dresses for my girls and they turned out to be just right with the white ribbon staying white. It is all coming together. Now I am just starting to worry about the stuff I have no control over. "What if no one shows up?" I know His family will and I know a couple members of our families are coming to the wedding. The shower Kelsea is throwing for Amber is worrying me even more. I am telling myself all is fine. It's hard to calm myself down. ( Just in case you didn't know- I seriously have a bunch of anxiety disorders. I am not even kidding. Social anxiety is the worst one. If I had list of other anxiety disorders I could tell you the rest. )

Here is something good to come of this. So Amber had a boy on a mission she was waiting- for sort of. I have been friends with his mom. There were so many things that happened before he left on his mission that really there was a big unknown as to where those two really were. They were told to break-up and they did. They were told not to communicate at times and they stopped and everything they were told to do, they did. It was not by me. So when Amber met Ryan and things started to progress I wondered where things would go. The boy on the mission's mom started to catch what was happening and then I found out she really did want Amber to be there when her son came home and she had plans. They were wedding plans. I was floored. I see this mom regularly where I work. When the engagement did happen, the mom was devastated. She was aware of what was going on, we had talked about where it was headed but she was angry and hurt and was upset at Amber and at me. Everyone started to hear how upset she was at Amber. I kept hearing stories of how this was carrying on. I was distressed. I was happy for my daughter but this was difficult. My boss said when I told him how upset she was "Consider that a compliment." I was taken aback wondering what he meant and then I thought about it some more and it made sense. I had more decisions to make on how to handle this. I would give her so much power if I let all her carrying on get to me. I thought about conversations to have and things to say because I was worried what people would think. But the feedback I got was positive from everyone. Then I realized that people knew me well enough and knew Amber well enough that there would be no harm done in the end. That was hard to sit back and wait it out. Whenever I saw my angry friend, I did my best to be as kind as I am and not let it consume me-it still did all the time but there was much less effect if I hadn't had the better perspective. That was my decision, to let her part play out and I would have a daughter that is getting married to the person she was meant to marry.
Since school is out we have had several weeks now to have some space from this friend. Last night I knew I would see her again at a big bar b q. I was so worried about going, not sure of where she was with this whole thing. She did get an invitation to the wedding. We have looked past the slights knowing(hoping) that it would pass. I didn't know when it would. So I calmed myself down, went to the thing with Amber and Ryan and the first person that greeted us was her. And she offered me hug! She shook Ryan's hand happy to meet him and she came and talked to me several times with interest of our wedding planning. It is such a relief! The one thing I am so glad about as difficult as this was, was that I didn't compromise myself . I know she didn't handle the engagement news well and as the principal told me "take it as a compliment." I stayed kind and I do not have any regrets on how I handled any of this. I just hope I can be as wise in the future. There are still four more daughters to marry off.
And geez people- I know you are out are there reading my stuff, even if I don't know you, you can comment.

Summer Fun

I have been trying to make sure the girls get to have a summer in between the all the running for wedding stuff. The wedding has taken over my life and there isn't much time left. But a few weeks ago we had coupons to go to Wahooz so the three youngest and I had a great time.

We came home and this is what the kids looked like after miniature golf.


One of the girls put these googly eyes over their eyes when we got home. We had a great laugh over it.

I had my first nightmare over the wedding reception. I dreamt that people started coming and I didn't have everything set up, then I realized I wasn't dressed, Kelsea and Kylee's dresses were still white and hadn't been dyed yet. I didn't know where Amber and Ryan were and there was a strange Christmas themed musical number for the ring ceremony. It was strange and one of those dreams where you wake up with a ton of anxiety and then you are super relieved that it wasn't real. But the anxiety still lingers. Of course I have anxiety of this over some duration at least a few times every day.

I wish I was a happy party planner. I think it will all be fine and will try to remember that whatever doesn't go well, well that is just a given for weddings. I won't sweat it but I would like to make sure I did the best job I could.