Sunday, June 26, 2011

Empty Nest

In this picture is a nest in my lilac tree. Just below the dead lilac flower you can the beak and head of the baby bird.

We discovered the nest in the lilac outside my bedroom window weeks ago. We though maybe the babies had already been raised and left. But it has been so cool so far this summer that we were excited to find 3 babies. We watched the ma and pa bird take turns feeding them from our window. It was quite a site. Last Saturday I woke up to the most incredible noise. They would call for there parents and then they would squabble with each other and then a parent would show up with a worm and they would all freak out. There was the strong bird that sat on top of it's siblings, the reason for the squabbling. Then it was on the edge of the nest flapping it's wings getting ready to fly. One time he fell out of the nest but didn't fall far and got himself up in the nest. So in my mind because he was the dominate bully bird I called him a he. The other two were girls. Just because that's what I decided. They were squabbling and Hannah came out and thought something happened and it was funny watching them all get still and quiet until a parent came back. That night we had a rainstorm and we watched them in the rain. The next morning it was way to quiet. They were gone, sort of. I listened for the parents, they didn't come. But I heard one of them call nearby. I knew one was close to flying but I wasn't sure about the other two. We hunted outside after church. I found one on the patio. He wasn't flying from me but running. I tried to get it to back towards the nest. It flew up to the broken gazebo. That was the he bird. I hoped he might fly back to the nest and shocked me when he flew to the neighbors house. We have had to watch the cat by the way. She has brought in more fledglings than we have cared to have to rescue. So we found bird number two in the garden. But she couldn't fly but she could run from us. We found bird number three stuck between two boards in the garden calling for it's parents. We didn't think it was ready to go yet. So once it was pulled out it was put in it's nest and so was number 2. Number 2 called on the from the branches. Bird 3 was in the nest and bird one had sat on the peak of the neighbors house and then was gone. Later they were both out of the nest. The parents never came back. I couldn't find 2 but three was on the ground calling. I thought she was up higher. I might have stepped on her, I am not sure but she already wasn't mobile enough anyway. We put her in a container hoping to take her to the rescue place in the morning. I heard bird two outside Amber's window in the front. This is where I found her.

We let this one be. And soon it was gone.

But within hours of putting this one in the bucket, when checked on, it was on it's side close to death. Lee Joe tried to help but there wasn't anything left to do. It was the weak one. It was the one in the bottom of the nest and I guess when they decide they are to leave they all leave at once ready or not. Nature took it's course-science calls it natural selection. The little thing died in my hand wrapped in washrag. That was the only thing left to do. I learned something when I was looking up what to do. Many times birds do leave the nest before they can fly and spend a few days on the ground. That explains why the cat brings so many in. Also why these three did what they did. I didn't know that before. I love the internet for learning things like that.

I have contemplated this empty nest thing. Last summer was overwhelming. I had 6 girls coming and going trying to moniter and keep on the right track and make summer memories with that we couldn't do the summer before. Making sure they got along. This summer is dramatically different. I thought the changes were coming in August. Amber getting married and Kelsea going to college. But it's all happening now. Lee Joe is in North Dakota until the wedding in August. Amber went on a trip with Ryan's family to Yellowstone and South Dakota for a week. She is always gone when she has been home. She is always busy and gone and somewhat grumpy. She starts a new job that will be full time the rest of the summer doing research at BSU. Not very many under grads get in so it is great she got that job but she doesn't know if she has to sacrifice marching band to do it. I will be sad if that happens.
Kelsea moved in with her grandma so she has someone there with her. Kelsea is feeling the "I am 18 and I want freedom." And she is not going to Uof I by the way but going to CWI (new community college) instead to get some classes out of the way and make her decision of what to do when she is ready. Good news she wants to stay close to home but she doesn't want to be home. For those two, they don't want to do anything family like. But I get up every morning and see her empty bed and her room still has almost everything in it. But I am feeling the loss and the pain of my little birds leaving me and unlike the robins, I am not shoving them out and running away. But at the same time I am ready for them to be independent (they don't want to do a thing around here anymore). I guess it's worse because I am without a spouse as well. The younger three want new rooms and are itching for them to go.
So I am learning what that empty nest thing is all about. I have enjoyed my kids so much that it is painful that it is happening. I feel like we have missed out on some important family time since the past two summers have been financially painful there have been no trips. But at the same time certain things get easier and so with that I am finding it easier to let go. I am doing less laundry. Food is lasting longer as well. We fit in a 5 passenger car now. All this means is that a new chapter in my life is about to begin.






Thursday, June 16, 2011

Wedding anyone?

I have thrown nice parties but always at the cost of my mental health. I need to plan the party of all parties-Amber's reception. It is difficult for to come up with ideas and when I come with good ones, Amber shoots them down. I persist a little and then she likes my ideas later-after the grief of having to start over again and then really I don't have to. Coming up with a menu is painful for me. I don't mind the decorating but I need a co-operative couple to work with me there.

I have dresses for the girls. Amber's colors are yellow and gray. I looked at every reasonably priced store around us around Easter to try and find Yellow dresses. Yellow is hard to find and when you find it the material is weird, the cut is wrong or it's too casually summer. Or it has no straps or little straps. But there were all these fantastic white summer dresses. SO many that would be perfect. So I found two perfect white dresses for Kelsea and Kylee. I need to try dying them (scarey) I will try it on other white cotton first. I found yellow dresses for the younger girls made out of the same type cotton fabric. They were perfect.

Me-not so much luck. I don't like short skirts. I look absolutely dreadful in yellow. I found a dress I hate, but will work and fits, today. It looks very 'mother of the bride'. It was less than twenty dollars. It is my "when all else fails" dress. Hopefully I will find something in July when the winter stuff comes out. Something with a long skirt and in gray. I really don't want pictures in that dress but it is the best I can find. Maybe if I can lose twenty pounds in 2 months I will look much better. But I think I have to actually try to achieve that and I haven't started trying hard enough yet. I am stress eater and am doing plenty of that.

Thursday, June 09, 2011

Pictures

To summarize with Pictures


This one is getting married. They are so cute. We are so happy. And stressed. Wedding in August.



This one made it to State for tennis. She played mixed doubles. She didn't place. But she was given the title of Miss Tennis for the senior class.



Then she graduated!! She is headed for the University of Idaho. It's up in Northern Idaho in case you didn't know. I still haven't been there. She leaves in August, the week after Amber.



This one is waiting to get her Perfect Attendance award at her assembly. Her youngest sister earned that award too and then they missed the second to last day of school for Grandma Leavitt's funeral. :(

But they got to keep their award.


This one earned a 3 sport award and a hardest working reader award. She has worked hard. I was pretty worn out myself watching her. She made it to city in track and then went right into volleyball to finish the year.


This was the beginning of our last Hurrah. Taking a spontaneous trip to Utah to go to Lagoon. The last time we were all together as a family on a family trip. It later became the last time we would travel in our van.

I will sincerely miss road trips all together in one car. My favorite memories are traveling all together listening to them act goofy and entertain each other in between the squabbles.



But we did make it to Lagoon without the van. Hannah was "So flippin excited!!" She adores her cousin Sierra.



I am trying to get over my aversion to taking pictures of myself. I am sure my kids would like to remember me someday. Now, Lee Joe has officially left for North Dakota to work like a crazy man. He will be back next week but will be busy and back again for the wedding in August. We are about to celebrate 21 years together but it is looking more like we will just have to remember it has been that long because we won't be together to celebrate it.


And since this has become a blog of changes and departures. Here is the goodbye to our van. I can't say it was always loyal- dumping the transmission twice with terrible timing and in the middle of nowhere both times. I can't say it was dependable either since it pick and chose when it would let it's left blinker work, which was mostly not. Only one window rolled down and the headlights only worked on bright, but that's OK because nobody could tell they were on bright because they were so dim. But we had many great memories travelling across the country in it. It was great for bringing home bikes and stuff for the house. It was the car I picked and enjoyed driving after years of cars I disliked very much. I am sad it has a new home now with a man who will bring her back to life but not in my care.


We has just been talking that with the coming changes that we could downsize to a car. It came a little sooner than we expected. We had to frantically find a car in less than a week. We found it. Now I need to take a picture of what I am driving now. It's a 5 passenger car. I did get to pick this car. So it's not too bad. I have a 2002 Mazda 626. Picture coming soon.


So come August, Lee Joe will come home long enough to see his daughter marry-we will gain a son.

She will move out, he will leave again. The next week I take Kelsea to college. Our family of seven will be a family of 4 for awhile. I had a feeling I could loose both of those girls at the same time. The time has come. I am prepared. We have one bathroom we share for showering, believe me we are all ready. The 3 youngest will all have their own room. I will have a 9th, 8th and 4th grader with 2 in college and a son in law. It has all happened way too fast.